Toy Recalls: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?

Seriously, I am exasperated by all of the talk of lead in the paint on our child's toys. Thousands of toys being taken from the shelves because the toy industry has not been diligent about protecting our children from this poison. Until this past week, we had been pretty much untouched by the recalls. When the first recalls were made, I scanned through the lists and pictures. I found one item that we had but according to the dates, it should be safe. I threw away the Dora, backpack and puppy anyway. Just in case. I trusted that the watchdogs were doing their job and that if there was any more potentially sickening or deadly toys in my playroom, I would be aware.
Then this week I saw a story on our local news that talked about how a Fisher Price doctor set, just like the one we got our 2 year old for her birthday, had been pulled from shelves in Illinois because of lead paint on the blood pressure cuff. Sounds OK, but the story went on to say that these cuffs were still on the shelves in every other state. The industry says that it is because Illinois has stricter laws on the amount of lead allowable. The pediatrician they had on said that no amount of lead is safe. He also said that there is reason to believe that the elevated levels of lead in our toys could correlate to the increase in certain learning problems in kids like ADHD. Just great! The toys that I give my children could be causing them to have learning struggles in the future!!
So now I am just mad, and a bit paranoid. As I was walking down the toy aisles looking for stocking stuffers for the girls, I found myself wondering, "which of the toys that I am buying for Christmas will be taken away from my children in the coming months?" Each toy I look at with a suspecting eye. Is this little Strawberry Shortcake doll going to cause my children to have serious learning problems in the future? I have looked into getting a home test for lead but found that the Consumer Product Safety Commission found them to be highly unreliable. So for now, I just have to rely on recall lists and our government to get the information. I have to admit that that is really not very comforting.

Some Resources for Toy Recalls:

Consumer Product Safety Commission Recall Announcements
CNN Toy Recall News Page
Toy Industry Recall Page - not sure I trust an organization created by the toy industry.
Medical Kit Recall
Recalled Lead Toys

The Perfect Christmas

Is it just me or do you wish you could buy some extra time during the Christmas season? I tell ya, it is just too busy. This time of year there is an epidemic of hurry up disease and we all have it. What is the cure? Hmmm... SLOW DOWN! Seriously, do we have to take part in every cookie exchange, holiday party, etc. etc.? What would happen if we said "no!" Would the universe as we know it come crashing down?
Last year, I would say our family had the hurry ups pretty extensively. We wanted to take part in every new Christmas experience that Texas had to offer and we were back home in Washington for two weeks to fulfill our established traditions there. When Christmas was over and we were back at our home in Texas, we didn't know where Christmas had gone. With all the rush, we felt that we just flat out missed Christmas with our rapidly aging little girls. So we decided this year, we would take it slow.
We are not volunteering for every Christmas service project that the church is putting on. We are not going to every little event. We are not taking Christmas pictures at the portrait studio or with Santa, we are doing that with our own cameras in front of our own special tree. Not that we have checked out of Christmas. We are just narrowing our commitments. We have about 2 things a week that we are participating in, some more time consuming than others.
I think as a parent, mom or dad, we put some huge pressure on our selves to make the perfect Christmas experience for our kids. We want to create memories that they will take with them into adulthood. Step back though, think about it, what kind of memories are you creating? If your current Christmas schedule is symptomatic of your undiagnosed case of hurry up disease, you may be creating memories of stress and frustration from never achieving that perfect Christmas. I caught myself, well I guess my husband caught me, last week when I was making sugar cookies with the girls getting stressed because they weren't using the cookie cutters "right." I don't want my girls to think that "making Christmas cookies is no fun with mom because she gets grouchy." I really don't want my girls to think that Christmas is a time to be stressed and hurried when really, it is a time to be joyful and thankful for the gift that God sent to earth, wrapped in swaddling clothes. An imperfect Christmas, no room at the inn, no clothes for the new baby. But a perfect child sent to live and die for us. That is the cure for hurry up disease.

Homemade Christmas Gifts

Since the season is upon us, I thought it would be good to discuss homemade Christmas presents. Every year since our parents became grandparents, we have provided them with a little hand crafted present from their precious little grandchildren. These gifts are great for many reasons but the two greatest reasons is that they are inexpensive and they are personalized by the kids. Happy for you and happy for Grandma and Grandpa. So in the last four years we have made picture frames with each family member's name (in the perspective of the child like Papa Jim and Uncle Tim) and then put a picture of each person with the child in the frame. Then when My daughter was two, we made dishtowels with her hand prints and the year on them. A set for each set of grandparents, and one for us. The materials were found at Walmart pretty inexpensively and she had lots of fun making the towels along side her friend who was making them as well. This year we are making something that I would love to discuss but cannot, lest I ruin Christmas for Grandparents who check on this site. Gifts that you or your children have made by hand are a much more personal way to say Merry Christmas, not to mention usually more inexpensive.
So, I thought that it would be a good idea to share a couple of resources here. I hope that others will leave comments sharing some of their favorite homemade Christmas ideas as well as great resources for the rest of us. My absolute favorite resource for any time of the year is www.familyfun.com. It is a website based on the magazine of the same name. The website is really easy to search for age appropriate crafts that will warm a loved one's heart. In addition to gifts, Family Fun is also a great resource for decorating ideas that kids can create so that they may have some part in decorating for the season. You can also check out your local library for great craft books that won't cost you a dime. Another idea is to go to Michael's or another craft store (I LOVE Hobby Lobby and I have to say, my friends in the Northwest are truly missing out!!). Anyway, back on topic, The craft stores sometimes have project idea sheets that are free. And Martha Stewart's craft line has a few projects that would be good gifts for grandparents or other loved ones. If you aren't crafty, your child is too young or maybe you are afraid of what your child might do with a little craft glue, there are also many gifts that you can make on online photo centers like Shutterfly, Photoworks, Walmart.com, etc. Ranging from mugs, to t-shirts, calendars to coffee table books, the special people on your list will love a picture or two of their favorite little ones.
So, what have you done in the past, and if you have any other resources to share, please dish!

My Little Pack Rats

Ok so it's in their blood. My mom is a pack rat and her mother before her was the ultimate pack rat (when she died it all got passed on to Mom, Thanks Grammie!!). Somehow I rejected this family tradition, though I seriously struggle sometimes to get rid of things that carry the slightest bit of memories with it. But, for the most part, I am able to get rid of "stuff." After all, you can't take it with you and the person after you is not going to have the same attachment to it as you did. So, I was hoping my children would be free from the family curse of having to keep every tiny little thing that they have collected. Not that lucky!
With Christmas coming I was hoping to clean out some of the old toys that are broken, missing pieces or just plain neglected. I found that the only way to do this effectively is to sneak it away. But ultimately, this isn't working for us. I put a bunch of toys into a box for a garage sale, when the sale came, my girls discovered the box and played with ever last bit and they have returned to the overstuffed playroom. A few months ago, I sent a huge box of stuffed animals (do they reproduce on their own??). Last week, my four year old asked where the big dog was. I had to tell her that he went to play with other little kids that didn't have as many toys as her. She was consoled only a little bit. The bigger problem with sneaking away toys is that I feel like the girls are not learning a few valuable lessons. As I see it, they don't need all of this "stuff," they can give their toys away to make other children very happy, and most importantly, stuff doesn't make us happy. So my question to you is, how do you get rid of toys, old and not so old, and have your children help you so that they can learn those valuable lessons?

Discipline

Discipline can be a sticky subject. And before I say anything, I want to reiterate that I am no expert. One of my friends emailed with a question about discipline. Her question was this, "What do you do when your child is completely defiant and doesn't care what the punishment is?" I think even if your child is on the complacent side, you've probably encountered this problem at least once or twice. Some mothers have to deal with it constantly. The little stubborn monster has come to live inside their child. What should this mom do?
I honestly don't have an extensive amount of experience with the stubborn monster. Both of my girls are on the complacent side. Though I have seen the monster and have felt the exasperation that it can bring to a situation. I will say this, having taught 7th and 8th graders, I've dealt with the monster there too, more than once. In teaching, I learned that if there was a problem with how the students were acting in my classroom, I needed to examine myself and see what I might be doing wrong. It is not much different in parenting. It is hard to do and we are usually quick to blame the kids for just being bad, but the difference can be made if we truly evaluate our discipline strategy or lack of.

Let me share with you something that I am working on right now with the way I look at discipline. It may help, it may not but it is worth a try. Recently I was at a Courageous Parenting Seminar at our church. Our Children's Ministry Coordinator spoke about being a thermostat instead of a thermometer in your house. The difference is that a thermometer just reflects the temperature of the family, it has no power to change the temp and merely reacts to what is going on. If every one's happy, a thermometer parent is happy, if there is stress in the house, the thermometer parent is stressed. A thermostat has the power to change the temperature. It is constant, the temp does not go above or below what the thermostat allows, it is in control. The thermostat parent is consistent and unemotional with discipline.

If you think about it, it could be that a child doesn't care what the punishment is because they get the payoff of seeing mom or dad lose control. They win, they have gotten to you and have affected you so much that you feel you have lost control and that you have failed as a parent. If you take away the emotion and the ability of your child to get you beyond angry, then you take away that payoff. Why does a child seek this sort of payoff? Some would say that it is because they are simply looking for some kind of attention from the parent. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, they want it. And in the early years, they are going to seek that attention from you. As they reach adolescence, they will seek it from their peers. So when your children are young, you have the best chance of forming how they seek attention, good or bad. And if you miss this opportunity, it could be big trouble in the future.

So this is what we are trying to do in our household. When a behavior that we want to see go away occurs, such as whining or throwing a fit, we physically turn our backs to the child and wait to hear a change in their action. From whining, to talking or screaming to quiet. And as soon as we hear a good behavior, we complement it. Not with just a "good job," but with a more specific description of the good behavior. "Thank you for asking in your nice voice." When talking to the child we use a happy voice and try to convey true thankfulness (no terse or sarcastic voices). I have to say, for me, the hardest thing is taking the Angry voice out and talking calmly and unemotionally, especially if the child is not displaying the desired behavior. The key is having something to repeat to yourself in these moments to try to calm yourself down. Use a verse or a song or some sort of self encouragement that helps you not give in to the desire to scream and yell. Be aware of what sets you off and prepare yourself with something to concentrate on so that you don't lose it.

I think with any strategy, it takes consistent and honest trial and error to make it work. You can't just try something for a week or a month and because you have failed or the child has not responded right away say that it doesn't work. Discipline is a habit. Anyone who has tried to stop a poor habit and replace it with a good one knows that it is not easy. Don't give up! Anytime I hear someone say "I tried that and it didn't work," I think to myself that they probably didn't try hard enough. Be positive and don't go it alone! Seek partnership from your husband, do it together.

I hope this helps, I know it's a lot but we could probably write a book on this subject. Speaking of books. Try James Dobson's Dare to Discipline. It's a good book to read and re-read several times in your parenting journey.

If anyone has some discipline tips they would like to share, please comment or email me and I will post it for you.